Why it’s ok if your only New Year resolution is to breathe
Approaching New Year’s resolutions from a place of wholeness
We often think of the New Year as a time of new beginnings—maybe even a time to start over. It’s also usually a time when we’re encouraged to make self-improvement goals that bring us closer to some perfect “ideal.” Sometimes though, I think we approach these goals from a sense of lacking, fault, or deficit. A feeling that we are somehow “less than.” I would like to offer a counterpoint to that idea. Maybe we are already exactly where we need to be.
Let me say that again: you are exactly where (and who) you need to be.
But wait…perhaps you’ve had a horribly difficult year, maybe a year of struggle, change, transition, loss, or even disappointment. So, how can this be exactly where you need to be?
There is a saying:
“No mud, no lotus”—Thich Nhat Hanh
Lotus flower rising above the mud.
I take that to mean that part of the beauty of personal growth is that we may experience somewhat of a harrowing journey to get there.
So, go forward knowing that it is ok to strive for growth and change, but you are already perfect just the way you are. You can reach for more in the future, but in this moment in time, you are exactly where you need to be.
The first time I had a teacher say this to me in a yoga class it made me cry silently on my mat. Why? Because I was in a place of such struggle and uncertainty. I was fighting against all the changes that were happening in my life and railing against the difficulties that these changes had wrought. It can be so powerful to switch your viewpoint from: “Why is this happening to me?” to “This is where I am right now.” And that’s ok.
Be proud of your mistakes
If we can start by recognizing that we are already good enough as we are, I think the next necessary condition of personal growth is recognizing that we will inevitably make mistakes along the way.
When I was preparing to teach a yoga class on New Year’s Day, I ran into this wonderful post by Neil Gaiman (coincidentally one of my favorite authors) from 2011. To paraphrase, he encouraged his readers to make mistakes because that would mean that they were trying new things.
He says it a lot better than I can:
Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody’s ever made before. Don’t freeze, don’t stop, don’t worry that it isn’t good enough, or it isn’t perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.— Neil Gaiman
As a perfectionist, I find that it can be super hard to try something new because not only am I afraid of failing, I’m afraid of messing up even a teeny little bit. But it’s often when we really throw ourselves into the deep end and into unknown territory where we stand to experience the greatest gains.
So my hopes for you this year are two-fold:
Before making any self-improvement goals, give yourself a pat on the back. You are already awesome just the way you are. The person you are today is the sum of all the difficult and amazing things that you have experienced.
If you do decide to tackle new things, know that you will probably make mistakes. And that’s ok too. I’ll be making them right along with you!
